I found a site that let me send an email to myself, but it won’t be sent until 2012. Hopefully I keep the same email address, but chances are I won’t remember I sent it by then. So it’ll be a nice surprise. Maybe I’ll follow some of my own advice in the future. I’m very interested to check my email that day. I’m sure it’ll make my day.
Every time I’m back I always ask myself why I even bother to leave. I love it here so much. I always feel happier, and I adore the people around me. I wouldn’t trade my hometown relationships for anything.
I guess for a little while up at school a couple of my “friends” have been not acting like friends. I’m honestly being reminded of my past times in middle school when I was constantly bullied. I never stood up for myself and would always sit back and take and tell myself “Things are gonna get better someday…” High school came around and things were fantastic, until I met one of my ex girlfriends. Let’s just say shit went downhill, but I’m actually glad I had that trainwreck of a relationship because it’s taught me a lot. So after that the end of high school came around and again, I couldn’t be happier. I was friends with everyone and I knew my 12 year old self would be incredibly proud of me. I had confidence I had never seen in myself before. Then high school ended. It was sad, but it had to happen. But the summer before college was as fantastic as every highlight of my high school career. I was working in a place where I felt so accepted. I found people like me who weren’t afraid to be nerdy, and other people who accepted me for who I was. I was actually a role model for children, and even knowing that I could have affected their lives in some small way brought me such immense happiness. I was beyond happy.
Then college began. It was different, to say the least. I loved my classes though, and I met some really awesome people. But I never really made any friends. So I visited Portland constantly, and I was happy again. If the time at school was bearable enough to fill the gaps between my Portland visits then I would be able to work with it. But at the end of the first semester I noticed something. My so called “friends”, the very few I had, were constantly making fun of me and picking on me. Sure, joking around is fun and all, but it kind of sucked when it happened and still happens on a daily basis. I don’t enjoy being the butt of everyones joke and having to be put down by the people I trust all the time. They even confronted me once about posting some video game links on facebook and wearing comic book shirts. This was one of my last straws, I couldn’t believe that they were judging me so much and telling me the thing I enjoyed were wrong. Even one of my friends from high school, who always accpeted me and trated me with care, began calling me names and making fun of me, in private and in front of people I didn’t even know.
I’ll be honest, the other night was the last straw. Long story short, I essentially said “Fuck you” and went back to my dorm. And now I’m back home, where I’m happy. Man I didn’t expect this post to become this, but I don’t know about the school thing next year. I know I’m generalizing, but if the people are going to revert back to middle school I want out. I guess I haven’t really found my nook. The friends I do have up there have hardly anything in common with me. They don’t seem to understand that there’s more to life than partying and calling women “bitches”.
I don’t know what’s gonna be happening next year, we’ll see. But all I know is I’m in Portland now, and I couldn’t be happier. Thanks tumblr, for continuing to be my perfect venting tool.